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NASEHA SYAHIRA

Assalamualaikum

Minta maaflah sebab entry sebelum ni quite 'dark' cause I was overwhelmed that night. Waktu tu malam terakhir aku dekat CFS for semester 1. Dan malam itu jugak ialah malam terakhir aku untuk study for my last final exam paper. Aku tak tahu kenapa aku rasa sangat-sangat malas dan pada waktu yang sama aku menyalahkan diri aku 'kenapa kau malas, kenapa kau tak study'. I did push myself to study malam tu, but I can't. Aku mula risau macam mana aku nak jawab paper esok, can i get that 4 flat for this semester and etc. I felt very anxious that night and I ended up crying. 

Esoknya aku bangun awal, (tak awal mana pon), aku gunakan masa yang ada untuk habiskan semua chapter yang aku tak baca. Aku try revise balik apa semua. I still not feel confident when I walked into the exam room, I did forget some facts but I think positively that Allah will help me and maybe this is the Qadr and Qada' that He had planned for me. Akhirnya, aku bolehlah juga jawab. Insyaallah. :,)



QUIZZES & TESTS

Aku mula sedar kehidupan kat universiti macam mana. Every week mesti ada quizzes, tests. For me, baguslah ada quiz, tests apa semua sebab bagi aku kalau takde benda ni, bila final exam nanti memang naya lah kau nak revise balik dari awal sampai habis. Sekurang-kurangnya kalau dah pernah ada quiz, test for some topics, kita senang nak revise balik masa final exam nanti. Sejujurnya, agak stress jugaklah bila every week ada je quiz. Weekend pula ada program. Tak cakap lagi ada discussion for certain assignment yang memerlukan kerjasama in group. So untuk study sendiri tu memang susah jugaklah nak cari masa. 

I was thinking, aku yang takde jawatan pun dah panik bila banyak benda tak settle lagi, macam manalah mereka yang ada jawatan? Salute! Alhamdulillah lah Allah tak bagi aku jawatan in foundation. Kalau tak meroyan aku kang sebab tak bersedia dengan tanggungjawab dan terkejut dengan kehidupan pelajar asasi.



BELAJAR LAJU!

Dulu kat sekolah mesti cikgu akan cakap, siapa yang boleh belajar laju tu boleh lah ambik Asasi atau Matrikulasi. Maka terbukti ya memang kat Asasi belajar laju! HAHAHA. Satu hari satu topik. Kalau satu topik tu panjang sikit, satu hari satu sub topik. Kadang-kadang 2-3 sub topik pun boleh balun dalam masa 2 jam! Nasib baiklah kebanyakan topik yang dicover masa sem 1 ni topik yang dah pernah belajar masa SPM. Dapatlah pickup. 


ASSIGNMENT

Disebabkan aku ARTS student, assignment banyak memerlukan kami berinteraksi dengan manusia. We need to do a presentation, solve problem that is happening in CFS, doing business for 2 months and also Exhibition. Aku suka berinteraksi dengan manusia so aku happy dan enjoy dengan assignment ni. Tapi of course ada juga assignment yang 'sakit' untuk aku buat especially yang kena selesaikan masalah yang berlaku dekat CFS. We need to use critical and creative thinking to solve the problems, kena buat poster lah, temu ramahlah, lecturer strict. Oh my god... Alhamdulillah dah tamat dah semua tu! I just hope that I will pass for that subject because it will ruin my sem 2 if I need to repeat that subject. HAHAHA



INTERESTING PROGRAMMES

Dekat universiti ni for me program-program yang dibuat interesting and able to develop my skills and knowledge. Ada macam-macam talk, Humanity Night, Ambang Merdeka and etc. Performance pun lebih gempak daripada masa kat sekolah dulu. I look forward for the upcoming sem programmes!




Aku dah kebuntuan idea. I'm sorry that this entry is very personal. I knew that not everyone loves to know about other personal life if it doesn't give any benefits to you. Sorry again. Thanks for reading. My followers are very sendu right now because aku menghilangkan diri lama gila. Bila muncul cakap macam orang dah putus harapan pulak en! Aduh ngek ngok betul Seha! HAHAHA. Stay tuned for my next entry. I will be talking about my new International friend from the UK that opens my eyes about Islam and how she lives as a Muslim in the UK.

so, tu jelah aku nak story.
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I don't think that people ever understand what I feel.
The pressure, stress that is overwhelming me right now.
I feel empty.
I don't want to do anything.
Yet, I am scared, full of worries and anxiety.
I am not doing good enough!
I still have so many things to prepare!
Yet, I can't do all of those things because of these evil feeling..

And I hate myself back now.
I cry again tonight.
I have nobody that understands me well. 
Don't tell me that I never try. I did try to ask for help.
But nothing ever changes.

I feel like a hypocrite. 
I give people positive messages but look at me.

What had I done to my life...


I am sorry because I am not able to feel the 'enjoyment' that you asked me to.
Not now. I'm sorry.





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Assalamualaikum



Recently, I was scrolling my facebook. And then, I don't know why I was attracted to one of my teacher's Facebook account. You can say, I'm stalking her at that time. So, I read all her posts, what she shared with her followers and etc. It's very sad I could say. You know that on facebook, they have this kind of memory notification like, "this is your previous 5 years old memories." Facebook will show you the pictures, posts and etc. There was this one post where it has a picture of my teacher with her husband and she made this kind of caption, "Hanya tinggal kenangan..." It's very sad right?! It's so clear that she has some marriage issues right now. And that's not the only evidence that I have, there are lots more but I chose not to said more about it because it hurts me a lot. I love my teacher very much. She's such a sporting, kind-hearted person and she's one of my favorite teachers! Knowing that she had to go through this kind of test from Allah, it makes me sad. 

This kind of situation, crisis, and problem are the most crisis that I hope will never happen in my entire life. I'm still young but I do understand what they would feel even if it maybe not that much. But I had felt that kind of situation in my life. More than little I guess? It just that I'm not married yet. Alhamdulillah HAHAHA... If not, I might live in a great depression ever in my life! I always cry in the middle of the night, thinking about ... my future. I always live in a state of worries about my future. How my marriage life, can I be a successful woman, would I get my dream person and etc. But I always remind myself that everything had been planned by Allah and it just ourselves that need to believe in him. Tawakkal and believe Him 100%. 

Marriage is something beautiful and of course, I do want to get married. My feelings to get married would be 'membuak-buak' when I see our celebrities married couples like Wawa Zainal and Aeril Zafrel. They are so sweet right?! Not just celebrities but also my own lecturer! HAHAHA. It just happened yesterday you know, that kind of feeling, want to get married. LOL! But today, I faced the truth of marriage. It's not the first time I heard about all this. Being cheated, the husband married someone else secretly, abused by husband, husband rogol his own daughter. Argh, it breaks my heart a lot. 

I love to share all of these things because I hope that people would be careful to choose their partner in life. And yes, we might not know their true color before we marry that person, that's why you need to perform istikharah. Ask help from Allah and always pray from him to give you the best husband/wife in your life that will always be with you through your ups and downs. Will love you forever, loyal, responsible and most importantly can bring you to Jannah! 

However, if in your life, suddenly Allah tests you with this kind of crisis,  please ask help from Allah also. Protect your marriage, but if it still cannot be solved, divorce in a good way. Ask help from Mahkamah Shariah or ... Alamak, aku lupa badan apa 😅 I watched this video, ada ustaz ni ckp kalau kau masih sayangkan perkahwinan ini, boleh pergi dekat satu jabatan ni untuk dapatkan nasihat. Tapi kalau memang dah muktamad nak bercerai, boleh tuntut cerai di mahkamah syariah. Kalau aku tersilap cakap, please betulkan dekat ruangan comment. 🤪

I just want to say something. I'm not against polygamy. I had learned about it and I know the benefits and also what if that man not responsible and Adil in his marriage life. But, I don't think that I can have a 'madu' in my life. I am a very jealous person. And I can't share the thing that I love the most which is my husband with someone else. Some girls can deal with this polygamy, tapi aku tak kuat. If only you know what I had gone through in my life... Macam mana aku kutip hati aku yg rabak tiap kali realiti itu tiba. So yeah! To my future husband, I hope you're not going to menduakan I forever in your life. Because I would be super sad and might get depressed and our married life would be even worse. HAHA. no, I'm serious. 

That's all for today. Actually, I would like to make a comeback with a story about what I had gone through for this first semester. But yeah. This kind of thing gets me emotional! And just like I told you, I need to be emotional to write so that you will feel what I feel! HAHA. Okay bye. See you guys again in the next entry. Mmuahh 😘

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email : naseha.syahira@gmail.com
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